Monday, May 7, 2012

Day 11 - Your worst habits and flaws

Moving on with the programme we enter the 11th day of this blogging-challenge, which carries the headline ”Bad habits and flaws”. I admit I had some reservation about this one, not out of fear of revelations but due to unawareness. Ask just about anyone I know and they'll certainlt agree on some of my flaws, whereas others (mysef included) will likely present an entirely different picture.
So for this very reason, what you get is my person opinion about things that make me a lesser person. It won't necesarily be pretty, and far from all are related to WoW.

1) Unforgiving
 One thing pretty much everyone agrees upon is my uncanny talent for carrying a grudge. I don't deny it. In fact, you can pretty much point out any name in my social circle and I will be able to name at least one incidence in which I felt wronged by them. Sometimes this is nothing more than verbal ammo gathering dust in the far recesses of the mind, for the day we're going to have a gunfight of blame. At other times I make absolutely sure to mention it as often as possible, often through sarcasm, just in order to piss people off. I take downright childish delight in this.

In continuation of this I am also very prone to anger turned inwards. I'm pretty sure I could pack a punch or take it out physically, but it's too primitive in my book. Instead it tends to become a fuel-source for psychic terror, ridicoule and patronizing, which will likely run amok if I don't catch myself in time. This has a tendency (hardly surprising) to tick off a lot of people around me and at its peak it was quite isolating for me.
I'd remember everything, you have to understand. If I invited you to an arrangement, I'd remember if you left early. If you threw shit at me or my girlfriend, I'd remember it for later. If you smashed me up in a board game turn 1, for no apparent reason, I'd remember in years to come.
Contrary to most belief, this doesn't spring from an evil mechanism or a desire to hurt other people per se. I've always had a brillian mind with a knack for remembering even the strangest of things. It's ironic to say that I have great trouble memorizing bigger and more important aspects of life, such as birthdays, appointments and whether I've done some quite crucial tasks, such as filling out my taxes and so on.
In these modern days it waxes and wanes, mostly being on the good side. But it's certain that people around me might be forgiven but they're never forgotten.

2) Passionate
Is passion a flaw? Well, if you're like me and combine it with the attentionspan of a kitten with ADHD then yeah. One thing is alternating between various interests, but once you start putting serious effort into it at the same time you stand against a serious risk of burning out.

I have a lot of hobbies, it would be fair to say the majority of my waking time (which is a lot) is spent on these. Then start dividing these into sub-domains and there you go. If you still aren't convinced, just imagine how it's like having a couple of free hours one night and chosing between playing warhammer (of which I have four armies, three currently unpainted with about 100 minis in all waiting, also still condering the fifth and starting out 40K), playing computer games (of which I have 15+ games laying in wait to be finished, including titles as Legend of Grimrock, LA Noire, Skyrim, Assassin's Creed, Mass Effect 1+2+3, Amnesia, the Sam&Max series, the new Monkey Island series and of course we have Diablo 3 on the horizon). WoW is a whole chapter in itself (with a mage, warlock, rogue, paladin and druid already on max level and five alts on their way, and my tendency to often go 'YEAH this shall be my new main!!' every now and then) battling The Old Republic in which I really want to try out both the Sith Inquisitor story, the Bounty Hunter Story and also the Smuggler. Oh, and the Jedi. Yeah. On the other hand I could also keep on building my terrainpieces for wargames, of which I have plenty of material laying around just waiting to get started. Or put some of my already existing armies on magnetic bases. I also need to read up on the Carrion Crown-campaign for next session, perhaps even create some of those sidequests I love so much. In addition, I've also taken a huge interest in reading fiction, and started the Dark Elf books, and there are five Discworld books that really need finishing soon, so that might be viable as well.

And did I mention I'm also in the process of writing a book? Yes?

And we're just getting into it by now. Then suddenly it's no mystery why I some times spend up to half an hour staring blankly into the air whenever I have free time to do whatever I want. It often boggles me all down, almost stuns me, with so many options and so little time. It stresses the hell out of me and I wish I could limit my spectrum of interests just by one little bit.

3) Obsessed
 They say it's a psychologist-trait, but fact is; I'm much more inclined to find you interesting for conversation or friendship if 'you're not slightly right'. Certainly you don't have to mad in order to know me (but it helps-ha-ha-ha) but I thrive with quirky people. Experienced people. Those who have seen Life and its bleaker sides and have some stories to tell.

I'd like to click with the average man/woman, really. We'd sit around in the weekend from 18 to 22, talk about our jobs, how much we earn and what car we're going to buy next. And what our children are now doing for a living and how much money they are earning. You know, the things people talk about. Being able to participate with something else than 'Oh yeah, I saw the new Empire models at the store,yesterday. Seriously, those War-griphons look so BAD ASS, don'tcha think?'. Or; 'The other night, my party was THAT close to a TPK when the cleric did the most amazing stunt!'.

”I wonder what other people are doing when I'm having sex? Do they stare blankly into the wall, thinking about how their life feels empty and devoid of adventure and fantasy?”

It's never going to happen. They bore me and I bore them, it's for the common best, trust me.
I've often mused that I'll likely end up dying alone, surrounded by nothing but my Warhammer-Armies. In that case it will be a grand sight to behold. I hope they will play 'Imperial March' at my funeral.

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